Uncrate Garb Spoof

Uncrate Garb Spoof. I present: anti-garb.

There’s a very famous website called Uncrate that features tons of gadgets and fashion stuff and enough cool junk to send even a conservative guy to the poorhouse. Occasionally they post to a series called “GARB“. While many of the fashions don’t really do much for me, some of them are cool. They’re cool because somehow, presented in this Pinterest-friendly and fashionable way, they make me wish I was a little more hip or well-dressed. But it’s not going to happen. I could be Bill Gates rich and still not spend $300.00 on jeans or $3500.00 on an ugly watch. I thought I’d offer my own take on the “GARB”  posts, so I present this:

Uncrate Garb Spoof

Weekend Photo Tour

Levi’s Vintage Denim Jacket Thrift Store in Vernal, Ut, $6.00. Levi’s Corduroy Jeans, Thrift Store in Rock Springs, Wy, $3.50. Lamb’s Wool V-neck sweater, thrifted in Vernal, Ut, $4.00. Industrial Exchange long-sleeve plaid shirt thrifted in Billings, Mt, $5.50. Climb Moab Bomber Cam Strap Belt, stolen from my buddy Jason in 2004, free. 3 yr old Van’s slip-ons, $45.00. Ghetto automatic Rolex-look-a-like, $80.00. Handstitched leather minimalist wallet, I designed it, my wife sells them. Ipod version 5.5, so old I can’t remember what I paid. Gfeller Leather Moleskine cover and pen holder. 24 yr old Victorinox Super Tinker pocket knife (I’m far more likely to stab cheese than a kidnapper, and I’m man enough to admit it). Canon S100, $250.00. Ricoh GRD IV,  a ridiculously over-priced point and shoot that’s so good I had to buy it twice. Canon 5D MKII, Holga Medium Format Camera, Hero GoPro 3, Kodak Tri-X, expired Fujifilm Velvia, and a  Topo Designs Mini-Mountain Bag to carry it all in.

Three observations: 1. As I added the stuff up, I realized I have a considerable amount invested in the cameras here – but I’d rather spend it on cameras than ridiculous shoes or Japanese Selvedge. I set out to prove that you can spend only a few bucks and look pretty much like everyone else. I shafted myself by adding the camera gear. I went from budget to wipe-out the bank account in three cameras. Don’t even ask about the pens… 2. Photographing this was a pain. I never thought about how difficult it is to lay out a jacket with a sweater and shirt and have all three show. Complete nightmare. 3. Knocking all this crap out in Photoshop took about two hours. This was way more time-intensive than I anticipated. While I realize the guys (or gals) at Uncrate probably only post this stuff that comes in from design teams everywhere, kudos to whomever does this – it’s not easy.




Don’t forget to check out some of the fine art prints for sale in my Etsy shop. I’ve also written and illustrated a children’s book for the Kindle Called Coyote Life. If you’ve got kids, check it out. If you enjoy it, please leave a review. Thanks.


My wife Leah makes and sells some pretty cool leather stuff like minimalist wallets and camera straps. Check out her Etsy store for some cool gear. minimalist leather handstitched wallet